So last week I talked about some of my language struggles, especially when it comes to forcing myself to speak French when it’s not absolutely necessary to do so. This week I thought I would keep up with the theme of struggles by talking about homesickness.
I think this is something that’s pretty familiar to most people. I’m in a new country where I don’t know most of the social norms and only have a rudimentary grasp of the language (at least, that’s how it feels sometimes), and on top of all that, this is the first time in my life I’ve ever been away from my parents for more than a month or so. It makes sense that I would be homesick.
But at the same time, in a way, I’m not homesick at all. It’s a weird combination of emotions. Yes, I miss my parents and my friends and my dogs. I miss being able to communicate with people without getting that look of, “Oh, you’re not from here, are you?” (followed, occasionally, by the person switching to English). I miss my bedroom at home, and my bookshelves with more than three books on them.
And yet, I love it here, too. I love how easy it is to get everywhere. I love not having to drive. I love the new friends I’ve made here, and I know I’m going to miss them when we all have to leave. I love the food. I love the feeling that I’m actually getting better at speaking French (at least, I hope so).
There’s a part of me that wishes I could stay here forever and a part of me that really just wants to go home, and I haven’t yet figured out how to reconcile the two. I don’t really think it’s possible to, honestly.
In just a little over two months, though, I will be going home, which is just crazy to think about. I feel like I haven’t been here all that long, but I’m already halfway done with this semester. Most of the midterms for my classes were last week. It’s wild.
I guess maybe I just have to try to make the most of the little time I have left.
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I know this is a short update, and honestly, I don’t really know what I was trying to accomplish with it. I’ve just been missing home this week and I felt the need to talk about it a little in this update post. Sorry if it came off as whiney.
Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you soon.
-Ariel